Adoption · Adoption Awareness Month · Betrayal · Birthmother · Grief · Life · Photo-A-Day challenge · Termination

V is for Victim….

I always thought I was a victim of Bryan, but once I soul searched, I was not the victim because it takes two to tango. However, I wasn’t the blame for everything and I took ownership in actions that I was to blame for.

All I wanted was for Bryan to be sober and clean; not drunk and high especially once we found out we were expecting. I guess having a child was not a priority for him to be sober or clean and it called for him hitting rock bottom.

I refused to be a victim of his rock bottom when it came to his addiction and alcoholism but I would have done anything to be a family.

We were in love or were we? YES.  We were happy or were we? NO.  His addictions stopped us from happiness and love wasn’t enough to save him.  I was the victim of trying to change someone that never wanted to change.

I was a victim of his control in my adoption process.  All he wanted was to control the situation from eight days after birth.  He tried everything to make me stop the adoption from happening but I wasn’t allowing myself to see through his abuse and control.  He didn’t care about his child and I feel he NEVER WILL!  That son of a bitch wanted me  in his control for the rest of my life and the only way to do that was to stop the adoption.   If he was to succeed, which he didn’t and if the court sided with him,  I would of been a victim of his abuse and control for the rest of my life.  My B would have lived with it to and I could not allow myself to have that happen in this lifetime.

I am a victim of carrying that abuse with me everyday and some day’s it really defines who I am and I am changing slowly and only time will tell.  However, I refused to allow B to be a victim of what I lived and the mother’s love was running strong.

#LifetimeHealingAdoption #NationalAdoptionMonth #Adoption #Photoadaychallenge #Birthmom

 

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