Adoption · Adoption Awareness Month · Birthmother · Grief · Life · Photo-A-Day challenge · Reflection

N is for Numb….

     Sometimes it came down to I just missed him, sometimes it came down to mail being received, sometimes it came down to updates being received and sometimes it came down to just what every my head wanted to believe.  It really didn’t need to have a reason, I just NUMBED the pain, PAIN was the reason, Grey Goose was the cure.  

    Feeling numb was the only way I knew how to cope.  I coped with water bottles filled with Grey Goose and a splash of lemonade, I coped with Sunday Fundays – starting when I woke up with Grey Goose and a splash of lemonade, walks to the bar during the week to just have one that turned into well I can’t count just for Grey Goose and a splash of lemonade.  I just needed to be numb to cope and I couldn’t cope because I was numb.  I prolonged the healing because I could not bear to deal with the unknown pain.  

     I prolonged my healing for the lack of not wanting to deal with feeling the pain.  I regret that for nine long months I suffered silently yet loudly.  Only I had the key to change, only I could empty the Grey Goose and Lemonade only I could stop being numb and start feeling.  

#LifetimeHealingAdoption #NationalAdoptionMonth #Adoption #Photoadaychallenge #Birthmom

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