Throughout my pregnancy and post-pregnancy, I kept myself in isolation. I went one complete year without saying a word to anyone that was not in my everyday life or within my inner circle.
I was three months along in my pregnancy on Easter of 2014 when I decided to break one part of my isolation. With everyone in my family gathered for the holiday at my parent’s house, I figured it was the best time to tell the members who did not know, I was pregnant. Through tears, I shared how I found a family for the baby and described to them what open adoption was. After I broke my silence to them, I answered any questions they had and they told me words of encouragement. I made it clear to everyone present that what was said that day did not leave that room. I said that my pregnancy and the adoption were not to be spoken about to anyone-unless the person being spoken to was present in that room that day. They agreed.Only one of the people there broke that promise, my VERY OWN biological sister!
Being isolated was killing me. I hid for my entire pregnancy. All I would do was go to work and then come home. I feared that if I went out somewhere, I would be seen by someone and my pregnancy would be discovered. I was not ready to be vocal again about my choice, my decision and my journey. After all, I did it once on Easter and was betrayed. I hid and was silent and this was not from embarrassment or shame. But hid because I didn’t want to be judged or talked about. LIFE SUCKED and I HATED every moment of it.
After the baby was born and following a court date in November 2014 I finally broke down to my parents, my adoption counselor Jodi, and to the adoptive parents. I finally admitted that I could not be in isolation anymore. I needed to break out of my self-induced isolation, I needed to be FREE!!!
Giving life to a child is an amazing feeling but when you choose life and adoption it becomes the most selfless journey. My journey was kept isolated until I was ready to share openly and wanted to stop killing myself from putting myself in isolation.
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