Grief normally affects those who lost someone from death but adoption is opposite because you grieve for someone alive, someone that grew in your tummy but now lives in your heart and with their forever family. Placing a child into someone arms and having them belong to a forever family comes with a grief process like no other.
My adoption counselor gave me the warning signs to specifically watch for and I ignored ever last one. On any given day, I can go through the entire grief process. Most days I get stuck on numbness, fear, isolation, anger and panic. When I am stuck on fear, isolation, anger and panic, I would numb the feelings. I will cover numbness in due time.
Bottom line in adoption and even in death, grief is a vicious cycle. It’s learning that it’s okay to let feeling out and will allow you to heal. I had to learn it’s okay to hurt and the sooner I allowed myself to the grief settled. This is not a sign of weaknesses rather a sigh of strenght. I regret being stuck for months and not wanting to face my new reality.
Therapy has helped me, hell it saved me from the endless cycle. I finally learned how to grieve in a healthy way versus a path of destruction. Channeling my grief is now beautiful because after all my baby is alive, loved, with his forever family and I have an amazing open adoption.