Adoption · Birthmother · Reflection

Six Myths of Being a Birthmother


What is a Birthmother? A birthmother is the mother of a child when the child is born:a woman who gave birth to a child who has been adopted.  Birthmothers like myself, are sometimes looked at with negativity and hard judgement.  I have had the judgment, negativity and learned I did not need to explain myself unless I needed too.  Here are my six myths associated around being a birthmother and how they affect me personally.

My Six Myths:

  1. I give up my child.  Baby B was not a piece of trash or a food I craved.  I selected a family for him so he can be loved, cherished and provided for in ways I personally could not.  The only thing I gave up was my own heart.
  2. I couldn’t care less where my child ends up.  I had researched families and ended my search after I found my third family.  Family one was nice, a family that struggled with infertility but they were older than I anticipated.  Family two was on the East Coast and well established.  Something made me feel like my child would sleep in a locked closet.  Family three was everything I was looking for and I knew after a few weeks that they were Baby B parents and my heart knew it.  If I did’t care where Baby B was then he could have been locked in a closet or had older parents but I need to sleep at night.
  3. I moved on with my life as if nothing had happened. I wish this was true but it is a life-altering experience. I have gone through intense grief and still grieve for my precious child.  It is something I have to process and deal with everyday until I die.
  4. I’m selfish.  I only wish I was.  The only selfish part of my adoption was my choice to have Baby B placed with two dads.  I am the most unselfish person because I risked my heart being broken to make sure he was safe and his family was the best of the best.
  5. Placing Baby B for adoption is “the easy way out”.  Placing a Baby B for adoption isn’t one decision, but rather a series of decisions made over time.  At the end of the day, it involves putting the interests of Baby B before my own.
  6. I don’t love my child.  Please go jump off a bridge if you feel that this is true!  I loved Baby B more than life.  I choose to be a birthmother because he was a human in my eyes.  If one ounce of me did not love him, he wouldn’t be alive today.

Before you judge or think you know the facts of what a Birthmother goes through please do research.  Birthmother’s like myself are not selfish, we don’t wake up in the morning acting like it did not happen, we love our child we placed and we did not give up our child.  Hear the story, embrace the story and get the facts because nothing hurts more than these six little myths.



5 thoughts on “Six Myths of Being a Birthmother

  1. It’s horrible that people still believe these things. I’m an adoptive mom and all the people I’ve met who are also adoptive parents, love and respect their children’s birth parents. Most adoptive moms I know think about their children’s birth mother on Mother’s Day. I hope you take comfort in that.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. My daughters’ birth mother and I are like sisters. Unfortunately, due to the circumstances of the adoption (foster adoption) we didn’t have an open adoption. Now that their birth mother is sober, I hope we can figure out a way to do it.


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